How to and not to handle kids & teen

Kids & Teens

   

          In most part of the world including India kids and teens are very poorly handled and treated. Deep-seated societal norms, even among those who consider themselves educated, open-minded, or adaptable to change, have instilled a chauvinistic mindset that views children and women as objects under their control. Even the women who are oppressed by the society on the whole treat kids as inferior.

           We cannot deny that, as a society, we tend to view kids as our property rather than as fellow human beings. Those who deny this are simply unwilling to face the truth.

           We must understand that kids come into our lives, not for us, but as individuals with their own lives. Kids are not the property of the parents or adults who care for them. They are not merely beings to be moulded and shaped according to our desires, but rather individuals with their own dreams, aspirations, and potential. Every adult is a teacher for the kids and teens not owners of them.

● Questions adults/parents need to ask themselves

          Try to understand the few questions that are jotted down here There are few basic questions that an adult/parent should ask themselves and answer themselves as humanly as possible and try to change.

1. Do you listen to kids and teens? and ask them, Why they did something? or How they did it before shouting at them and saying they shouldn’t do it?

2. Do you wait after asking questions to the kids for them to answer or do you start giving them options or prompting them for answers?

3. When you talk to a kid/teen, do you maintain eye contact at their level, or do you look down over them from a higher position, making them feel little and imposing on them?

4. Do you listen to kids and try to understand their perspective, or do you speak to them from an adult perspective, assuming you know what’s best for them?

5. Do you explain to kids/teens why their actions are wrong, or do you simply tell them that what they did is wrong without providing an explanation?

6. Do you hit the kids and teen to condition them as punishment? If yes, do you accept if someone slaps you on every mistake you have done to make you better?

7. Do you watch cartoons and kids shows, or do you dismiss them as inferior to the cartoons of your childhood?

8. Do you believe that kids and teens now are more open and adaptive and resourceful than how you were as a kid?

            It would be better if you can write down the answers and continue reading the article.

Reasons for these questions in short

1. A kid or teen needs to be heard before we pass judgement because they may have a reason for doing it or they may have done it unintentionally. It might have not been the outcome they expected or in most cases it would be the urge to know what will happen. when we don't listen and understand their words and just tell them not to do or accuse them or punish them, then there is the maximum possibility of them being rebellious or think you as against them. They may start developing covert behaviour which we would not want to develop, thinks before reacting in a situation involving kids and teens.

2. We should wait for answers after a question is asked to a kid or teen. We should not lose our patience or urge them to answer quickly or prompt them for answers or suggest them options which will make the kids think and conclude that they are wrong and shut their doors for you, the suggestions we tell will give ideas to the kids to hide their mistakes which is actually very dangerous, (Though telling lies is good for kids brain development). It would be easier to trigger the kid lying or expecting an escape route even after they turn adults. In the worst case you are developing an anti-social sociopath.

3. Adults should be mindful in our mannerism and body language we display to the kid while talking, we mostly talk to a kid as an adult who holds control over the kid and teen. Just because you are big does not mean you have control over the kid, or you are smarter than them. We are supposed to make the kids feel safe not threaten them by making them feel they are talking to a monster, only kneeling or squatting and keeping eye level contact would make that the kids and the teens comfortable, so that they open up and let you into their world . Which will help you understand the kids and teens.

4. We need to carefully listen to kids and the teens and try to process what they tell us from their viewpoint because kids have less exposure than that of an adult so we should be ready to unlearn our knowledge to understand what they tell from their point of view to understand their intentions and reasons. Here the 3rd point may be useful if we don’t understand from their point of view, we would misjudge the kids.

5. If your kid has done a mistake or wrongdoing, we should explain to them and convince them in a way they understand. just telling they have done wrong, and they should not do it will actually make them curious to understand why what they did is wrong, and it will not solve the problem.

6. Physical punishment is the most common punishment used on kids to condition them. So, let's say what if your boss or father or manager or police or next house uncle/aunty hit you when you do something wrong. Example: 1-Police hitting you for no helmet. 2-Husband hits on wife’s head for forgetting something. 3-Manager hitting you with a stick just near your kneecap for coming late. Would you feel this punishment is okay. If it is not OK, then how Is it fair if you hit the child. Adults should understand the child may come from us/due to, and that doesn't mean you own the child, you are just a support to keep the child safe and help the child grow better. Remember adults are just protectors of the young beings and should not behave like a dictator hitting a child or just showing the power and authority thrown on you by your parents or boss or the society. You just want to show your anger on a powerless helpless kid which makes you even worse than the one who oppresses an adult. You are an abuser and a bad example for the child or the teen, who in turn will become like you in the future. And the toxic cycle will continue.

7. Being part in the world of the kids is important to understand what they do is correct or wrong or to understand what their speak or the intention for what they did. we need to be in their world we need to watch what they see, the cartoons and read the books they read only then we can understand them. if we keep saying that the “cartoons during my times were good but now it is bad” which means you are irrelevant, now please try to see the cartoons the kids and the teen watch and understand the trend and what the intention behind their words.

8. Kids or the teens of today have more access to technology and that in turn they are exposed to huge amount of information and progressive thoughts. So the kids or the teens are more open and also more adaptive than the previous generations in general. We need to accept that the kids and the teens are more open they might be progressive and accept things and they will be okay with many things and social matters which the current adult would not be able to accept. The point here is as adults we need to accept and not blame the kids. So, it is important for us to be a driving force to move the society forward and not pull it backwards.

What we should not do

      Now we can go into what we should not do as an adult

● We should not force our adult privileges and power on the kids because this will suppress them.

● we should not think an adult’s childhood as a benchmark or expect the kids to do or behave just how we were in our kids or teenage days because needs and circumstances changes has years passes.

● We should not behave like the owner and the kids and teens as our property because it will make them less humane.

● The most important point “kids do what adults do, so be conscious on how you behave in front of kids.”

Conclusion

"It is important to equip adults, particularly aspiring parents, with a comprehensive understanding of child psychology and behavioural patterns. This knowledge will empower them to recognize and address the needs of children effectively, fostering a nurturing and supportive environment for their development. While education is paramount, it is equally important to help young minds from the premature exposure to rigid ideologies, whether religious, anti-religious, or political. Imposing such beliefs can hinder their cognitive development and limit their ability to form their own perspectives. Instead, let us focus on instilling rational thinking, ethical values, and a sense of social responsibility in our children. By nurturing these qualities, we empower them to become empathetic, discerning individuals, capable of navigating the complexities of the world with grace and resilience. This, in turn, paves the way for a more harmonious and just future for all."

Arvind Prebagar

29/05/2023

26/06/2023